Road trips away from the poison house

Had a rough few weeks with anxiety attacks out of control. I thought it was the house...it might be...our manufactured home is poisoning us. So we decided to get out of the house more. We took several short road trips around the area. One day we went to the Wetmore library to donate some books I no longer have any interest in. (Funny how the novels I used to love irritate me so these days.) Then we headed through the San Isabel Forest, stopping by a long time favorite, Bishop's Castle, and onward to Rye because I saw a house for sale that was cheap down that way. Rye has about 8 more inches of precipitation than where we live now--something to consider for the future of Southern Colorado that might be on the way to a permanent drought.

Bishop's Castle, front

I'm always impressed with Bishop's Castle, the design and the sheer enormity of one man's creation. We took the little kids up inside the first floor (another generation introduced to the castle), but it was overwhelming for me to stay there with my new chronic dizziness and random head pains. It was also chilly up there in the forest, so we admired and moved on. Check out the website at http://www.bishopcastle.org/

Bishop's Castle, San Isabel National Forest

Bishop's Castle, towers

It is worth visiting the castle, if you ever get the opportunity. It has been built out of local stone from the forest by one man with a dream. Pretty incredible...as is his fight with local government entities over the castle. Why can't they just leave a man alone? Why can't they just leave everyone alone? If one wants to run off into the woods and build a castle...or an Earthship that collects and recycles rainwater...you'd think one could do that. But not here in the good old US of A. And where this castle was built...no building codes, and yet they harassed him anyway. Home of the free...my home land. Makes me proud (sarcasm).

When we got to the lovely little town of Rye, my dizziness had started to subside, and I thought as we drove amongst the tall Ponderosa pines, that perhaps I belonged in the forest after all. Maybe my physical symptoms were a spiritual message to get out of prison land and move someplace entirely different. After all, with Richard's back issues and the kids and their issues, maybe it's now my turn to hear the wake-up call. But do I heed the messages from beyond, if that is indeed what they are? How does one decipher any of it...the mundane ego world and the esoteric spiritual world?

The trees smelled divine...absolutely wonderful, reminding me of something...my childhood spent in the forests of Colorado, perhaps. And the cute little house that is for sale down there is like a cottage in the woods...a fairy tale dwelling for sure. It may not have enough land to take the llama boys too, though, and it was really in the trees.

Am I too much of a desert rat to relocate to the forest? (Tried it once when we moved to Oregon...but we ended up in the dismal, dirty, crime infested city...over priced and our budget put us in the ghetto...so I never really got to live in trees.)

In any case, I enjoyed my day in trees (think Nine Inch Nails) and Richard told me that to him the Ponderosas smell like butterscotch, but to some people they smell like strawberries...a little trivia from his career as a boy scout.

Nuh uh, I thought, they just smell like trees...big, beautiful pines. Smell it," he said. "Get out of the car and put your nose against the bark." So, I did, wondering if someone was going to come out of their little house in the woods to ask me what the heck I thought I was doing, smelling their tree. And, as I leaned in, anticipating the fresh pine scent, I was struck with the pungent smell of strawberry candy, just as my nose grazed the bark of the nearest tree. Amazing!! Just like when the kids open a strawberry lollipop...that's what that tree smelled like.

Can't wait to try that again. Lucky for me there are no Ponderosas near my house or I'd be giving the neighbors something new to talk about.

And last weekend we went to Salida...another favorite, maybe. It sure sounds promising. Artsy. Liberal. Progressive. Outdoorsy. What more could a girl want? We drove around looking at the farms on the outskirts of town, and at the little Victorian houses in town. Everyone was riding a bike and it seems every house had a family of bikes parked on the porch. Good for them. And three health food stores! I found the kids' natural suckers in one. But I fear, Salida is too trendy and overpriced for us to be able to move there, but I'll keep my eyes open anyway.

The drive to Salida always reminds me of the drive from Taos to Santa Fe...next to the river. There is even a set of railroad tracks that follows the river on the far side. The road is just as curvy and the mountainsides full of rocks ready to fall on the unsuspecting traveler. But in NM, the rocks are all netted and fenced in, and here, they have only done that in one spot. I couldn't help but think about the rock slide last year that closed the road for at least a week, and I told those rocks to stay up there on the mountains as we slipped by.

We made it back without incident, and as we headed into our little home town, my head started to pound again. What is wrong with me? Brain tumor or anxiety attack?

We decided not to enroll the little ones in preschool. We went to every single one of them on our list and interviewed teachers and checked out the facilities, and not one single one made me feel good. Too much mainstream crap. I don't want my kids indoctrinated into a culture I don't buy into and one that is on the verge of collapse anyway. Where is the preschool with yoga and guided meditation? With art time, story time, dance time, nature time and teachings on saving the earth? Oh yeah, it doesn't exist.

I coudn't help but think that we, as their parents, could give them more education and support and safety at home than a preschool ever could. So we passed on the IEP program and decided to try it ourselves, checking out more books on homeschooling, the Montessori method and autism. We did get the kids up to the Springs to run the blood tests and we have an appointment in November to get them in for an official diagnosis...or not, if it turns out that way.

So, I'm trying to detox now, thinking there is something making me ill, all the while trying to figure out what the next move is...should we stay here or should we go? Thinking we should take a drive over to Paonia (another expensive town, but a county without building codes). That town keeps popping up these days...in literature on global warming and one of the Co-op members is headed over that way for a juicing retreat of some sort.

For now we are stuck where we are planted, so if I could just get past my head issues, maybe I could see some blooming future here. We are taking the kids to story time at the two libraries for "socialization," and I'm looking for a liberal leaning, free thinking homeschool group to join (not having much luck there, locally...may have to start one). And Richard is giving canning classes (one on pressure canning this Sunday), I'm trying to sell some of my strange water colors at the Farmer's market, and most importantly, I'm on the look out for a Ponderosa Pine to interview as my new best friend.

Harvest time, preschool and more baby chicks...Fall's coming

Today we harvested a few cabbages, some green beans which were volunteers in the potato patch (and a good thing too...the bunnies have eaten all the others), some fingerling potatoes, and some lovely dill. 

The dill is amazingly pretty...explosive blooms...makes me want to paint it. 

 And, we've been harvesting tomatoes and broccoli all week. The cucumbers are a failure. Apparently the seeds we saved last year were not viable, at least they have not produced any fruit--plenty of flowers, but not a cucumber on any plant. Too bad. I love my summer cucumbers. 

Today we picked up a few more (six) little two week old chicks. Two Aracauna (Easter egg layers) and four Cuckoo Marans (chocolate egg layers). Everyone we sell eggs to insists our organic, free range eggs are the best in town (it's the love, man), and we can hardly keep up with the demand. Now that Richard is doing better, I figured a few more chickens wouldn't hurt.

new chicks

my hatched chicks

Baby chicks are so cute. We sprayed them all with a natural lice remover when we got home... I saw some of the ugly little critters crawling on the new chicks in the transport box. We had quite a lice infestation on our two hatched chicks that we had to deal with last week. They seem better now, and at six weeks are getting bigger and will have to move out to one of the barns, I think. I wonder if I can combine all the little ones? It's almost time to clean out and sanitize all of the chicken coops and the barn up the hill. Even though the weather is still incredibly hot, I can feel Fall coming along, and with it all of the chores to prepare for the winter.

We are also trying to decide if we should put our little kids into preschool. We got the results back on some of the tests, at least locally and both kids qualify for special education preschool, which will be paid for by the nonprofit who did the developmental screenings on them. We also got in to the Biomedical doctor who suggested several new supplements, and taking soy out of their diets. We are having a hard time trying to get them to take the new vitamins. Cod Liver Oil...forget it. They gag, they wretch, they spit it at my feet. Nice. And the blood work and urine tests they need to determine if they have any allergies are just too expensive right now, so we just keep on experimenting with the diet. 

I'm a little afraid of the preschool scenario with their special needs, but everyone we have interviewed (about five so far) have been pretty willing to adapt and try to make it work. the kids are both so excited about the idea of going to school, and even though we decided to home school them, perhaps one year in preschool won't hurt. Or maybe it will. I'm still going back and forth on this. There's the extra help...speech therapy for my daughter, and a counselor for both of them to work on their sensory issues and my sons fine motor skills. Everything I've read seems to suggest that the earlier we can get them help, the better chances they have to progress out of these behaviors that are holding them back.

Plus, I have to admit, the thought of three hours three days a week all to myself is so very tempting. Think of what I could do with that time! But, I worry about the kids being indoctrinated into the materialistic, capitalistic culture that is mainstream America...something we do not agree with. I also worry about their exposure to different belief systems, like Christianity and hunting and guns. 

I guess we can give it a try for a couple of months and see what happens, and if it feels so wrong, we can pull them out and go back to the home school plan. I've been looking into story times at the library to socialize my kids, and thinking about teaching an art class for home school kids in the area. Heck, I've been thinking of going to school in Pueblo to get my Masters in Education...if I could, and becoming a legitimate art teacher. Wouldn't that be fun? But, that may be too complicated...we'll see.

For now, I guess we'll take it one day at a time and see if the preschool can handle my daughter on the days she insists she's a dog and crawls everywhere, refuses to speak or eat with utensils? And, if we're lucky, they might be able to convince her she's a little girl--we're certainly having a hard time with that.

More paintings

Still painting. Hiding inside from the hot summer sun.

We have had some rain though, which is wonderful. The gardens are all doing great, except for the plants that have been lost to the rabbits and our good old  friend the pack rat (I think there must be about ten of them).

Bailing out the bath water and hiking it to the various trees in the yard...saves the septic, a little bit. Trying to work out a plan for the washing machine to drain into the yard...in a deep pile of mulch. I'm thinking of creating a rose garden for the gray water infiltration.

The Earthbag barn is starting to fall down...well the top two layers of bags that never got covered in stucco undercoat.  There just isn't any  extra money to finish it. The dirt is being recycled into the tire berm wall in front of the house. Maybe I can talk Richard into leaving the rest of the barn up and putting more gray coat on it. Haven't had many volunteers to help out around the farm, unfortunately. It is what it is.

Back view

front hills

Front mesa with rain clouds

Front hills with color

front mesa, sun shining

mesa, mountain and sky

Painting again!

Now, it's fianally getting interesting...as far as the painting goes.

Pink

Mountains and Mesas

Mesas and Mountains

I'm having fun and finding my old self somewhere in there.

As far as the house refinance...they said no. Our house is now worth about what we owe on it...dropped about 50K in two years. So, there is no money to fix the septic, the truck, or to move to New Mexico for grad school (still haven't heard from the University). There is, in fact, no money to pay the truck payment or any more doctor copays. I'm looking through the want ads for a mundane job that fits the hours Richard is not working. Nothing yet.

But hey, at least I have my paint.

Brooding and hatching

Haven't been keeping up with the old farm blog as I should, but my heart just hasn't been in it. So much going on with Richard applying to grad school in NM and our septic leachfield needing to be replaced, and the truck needing $3000 worth of work, and of course with Richard's back injury he hasn't been working as much, not to mention the pay cut of $500 a month his company imposed last month, so now I'm having anxiety attacks in addition to the joys of regular life. Welcome to America!!! It seems we have, or are about to, join the ranks of most of America these days with bills we cannot pay, medical care we cannot afford--all while we stand here, scratching our heads wondering where it all fell apart.

But life does go on, and we continue to labor away on our little farm, although I'm not sure we can continue to water our gardens with the water bill so high. Where is the rain?

2 homemade baby chicks

A few weeks ago I decided to try to hatch some chicks under one of our broody hens, so I saved four, marked them with a penciled red star to keep them separated from the rest, and let the old girl have them. Well, not even quite 21 days later I find a chick under broody hen, and another egg cracking. How exciting is that? I hoped, but didn't really think it would work. Turns out we only got the two chicks out of the four eggs...I waited another twenty four hours before I threw the dud eggs away. But the two tiny ones are cute as can be, and they are now living in the good old Rubbermaid "brooder" in Richard's office.

4 month old Honey

And my sweet Honey girl is growing like crazy. Took her to the vet to get spade (the responsible choice for pet owners) last week and at four months, she's weighing in at 48 pounds! Of course with everything going on, I'm wondering which of our animals we can afford to keep for the long haul. I'm thinking of selling the llamas and the guineas...or at least trying to find them good homes.

This little experiment in sustainability didn't turn out very well, did it? Two years in and we are losing the battle. Never even made it to producing enough food to can for the winter. I have to wonder what the Universe has in store for us next, because this is getting downright ridiculous with all of our failed attempts at the good life in this place or that. What gives?

Siding and a window on goat barn

Richard is feeling good enough to get some farm work in and we spent a few days putting the siding we bought a year or more ago off of Craigslist on the goat (or llama) barn. It looks good. Doesn't match the color of our house, and it'll be even better when we put up the beige pieces. It was supposed to be for a garden shed that hasn't been built yet, but as we think of moving and renting or selling our house here, we have to finish some of the projects. We even used two of the old windows we've been collecting for a greenhouse in the llama barn siding project.

Dark red siding on goat barn

We are trying to refinance the house in the hopes we can come up with the $3500 to put in a new leach field. We'd like to give the truck back to the bank, but would be $7000 in the hole, so we have been thinking of trying to trade it in on an economical commuter car. Last year when we tried to trade in the truck, they laughed us out of the dealerships. Not sure we can afford another car payment anyway. If anyone wants to buy a 2004 Ford 250, crew cab, 4x4 for 21K, let me know right away!

Tire retaining wall in front of house

Also have been working on my little project of berming up the driveway with tires. Essentially, I'm building a retaining wall out of the millions of tires we have collected over the two years (to build an Earthship style greenhouse, which the town won't let us build). And, except for running out of dirt, it's coming along nicely. When it is finished and stacked three tires high, I'll paint it and plant something in the tires. Or someone will, maybe, if we are not here.
Perhaps we should demolish the Earthbag barn to get dirt for the retaining wall, since it seems unlikely we will come up with enough revenue to have someone finish that project. Or, when they come to dig a new leach field, I can use all that dirt for my tire wall.

So now we are in a holding pattern, just waiting, like good old broody hen. Will Richard get accepted into Highland University? Will our refinance go through so we can fix the septic? Can we find another place to live in NM that allows us to bring the farm? I have even been looking at travel trailers, wondering if we bought one with some of the house money, could we find a piece of land to park it on in NM?

The kids have their first evaluation tomorrow at some place here in town that can do mental evaluations to see if they think the kids need further evaluations. Whatever. We've got appointments a month out and I'm not even sure we will still be here. I guess with how hard these appointments are to get, we better drive up for them. Grad school starts August 21. Yeah, cutting it close. Nothing like being prepared, is there? Who'd of thought going to Taos for a party would throw our lives into such chaos. But then, that's the power of Taos, isn't it, and I was hoping for something meaningful from our trip to the Land of Enchantment.

As soon as we got back, I started reading the Georgia O'Keeffe biographies that have been sitting in my bookshelf. I thought if I can't paint, then I can read about someone who did. Of course, that pulled me deeper into the fantasies of New Mexico, and the urge to paint was too overwhelming to resist. After several days of trying to think on how exactly I could paint (where and what medium), I came up with the kitchen table and watercolors.

Watercolors at the kitchen table

I never learned how to paint with watercolors. I read a book once that I checked out from the library and could never find again. But, I've got nothing to lose except empty paper and tubes of paint that are drying up. I took it to heart when I read that O'Keeffe painted the same scene over and over until she felt she had achieved what she was looking for, and since my view is limited to the one out my kitchen door, I've been painting the Wet Mountains behind the llama barn every night after I get the kids to bed. I'm not happy with anything yet, but I sure am having fun with it. It makes me long for the oils, but I know that's too toxic for the kids (fumes) and oils are harder to drop and run when something comes up. So, for now, it's just me and my watercolors...learning how they work and what I can do with them.

I'm loving my evenings of painting, and I started adding a morning painting too. This morning I even dared to take my watercolor pencils and paper into the living room to look out another window at Pikes peak and the mesas in the foreground. Wonderful!

And because readers want to know, Richard has been going to physical therapy here in town and finally found someone who does the "McKenzie method." It has been doing wonders for him. The first thing that has really worked since he began this back pain journey last April. We keep going to doctors, and keep paying our $50 copays for nothing. No one can do anything. The drugs don't relieve the pain. And, we are running out of copay money. I hope we can continue with the physical therapist for as long as it takes, but if not, we can find the books that Robin McKenzie wrote about this method to relieve back and neck pain. If you have back issues, check it out. Cheaper than surgery and better for you too.

So, that's an update on life at the farm. Hopefully we can relocate the farm to NM and continue on our path of sustainability. Richard wants to study scientific, sustainable, farming practices in grad school and be a farmer who uses his brain instead of his brawn. That's a good plan, considering all of the doctors did tell him he has the back of a fifty year old man and no one sees how it'll get better. Although, I suspect if he stays out of the typical doctor's office his back will get better on its own time. Yoga, yoga, yoga. Flexibility will keep you healthy and vivacious. (I should get back onto my exercise program.)

Now, on to painting and a new biography...Paul Cezanne! Color, color, color...it is everything.